My boyfriend attacked my brother — I will not break up with him

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been seeing a person, “Barry,” who labored with my youthful brother. They’d an altercation at work, and Barry was terminated for misconduct. My brother, “Rob,” is upset with me as a result of I nonetheless see him. Barry did attain out to Rob to apologize and see if they may transfer on. Whereas my brother has forgiven Barry, he has chosen to don’t have any contact with him, and continues to wish to management the narrative. 

Am I mistaken for going towards my brother and persevering with the connection? I used to be in prior abusive relationships that Rob wasn’t involved about. However when it’s about him, he lets me know he’s “upset” or frightened about my well-being. I’ve set boundaries with them each, however that altercation was between them, not me. — TORN IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR TORN: The altercation between your brother and Barry will need to have been a doozy for him to have misplaced his job. You talked about that you’ve been in “prior abusive relationships,” which tells me your man-picker could also be considerably skewed. Barry could have anger administration points that should be addressed. 

Prefer it or not, your brother is correct that Barry might be harmful. The altercation could have been between them, however what’s to forestall your boyfriend’s risky mood from erupting on you? Your relationship with Barry might be hazardous to your well being, which is why I’m urging you to maneuver on and discover somebody extra steady.

DEAR ABBY: I’m in a loving relationship with my spouse, who’s 10 years older. Final 12 months, we mentioned her retiring from the workforce. She’s 63 and has labored her complete life. We weren’t 100% ready for this transfer financially, however I’m completely satisfied to see her completely satisfied, having fun with time with the grandkids and doing different issues. 

Right here’s the rub: She will get bored typically. When she will get bored, she spends cash and arranges issues for us to do this I dislike — like going tenting. I nonetheless work full time, and I get pleasure from my weekends at house enjoyable. I feel it’d be useful for her to discover a part-time job. I’ve recommended it, however then she will get hostile and asks if I feel she’s losing her time. It turns into an uncomfortable dialog. 

Any recommendations about what I can say so I gained’t tick her off whereas serving to her understand she might discover one thing else to maintain her busy and contribute financially? — TRYING TO KEEP UP IN ARIZONA

DEAR TRYING: Inform your spouse you’re completely satisfied she is having fun with her retirement, however you’re nonetheless absolutely employed. Then remind her that when she determined to depart the workforce, you weren’t absolutely ready for it financially. Clarify that in the intervening time, you want the weekends to relaxation, to not go tenting, which is considered one of your least favourite issues to do. And when you’re at it, point out that you already know she enjoys purchasing, and a part-time job would give her extra discretionary cash to do it. I don’t suppose that any of these statements ought to be inflammatory.

Expensive Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also referred to as Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Expensive Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.